Saturday, May 19, 2018

A burning flame stirs up my heart
If let out
It holds the power to burn an entire nation
If enhanced it can burn the entire universe
So.i hold it within my heart safely
and I tame it and keep it under control
If you can't understand that my solitude
Is not my weakness and push me
I will endure and keep the flame within
I will until I am pushed to a stage
where I am gasping for air
And then I shall show u a spark
Oh you are so small.. So very small
A spark would burn you into ashes
A spark is all you can take
Yet, I would not let you go
I will hold u and not bod good bye
And save you and comfort you
For you are to only realize not to push me
I have endured enough Because I love you
I love everything that God has created
So don't push it harder than you can endure
Don't push it harder than you can endure
A burning flame stirs up my heart

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Things some of you always wanted to know about me.

Everyday, I write and I feel like there is somebody listening to what I have to say.Its not necessary that a real person has to listen to you.. right?? So, I have been writing about myself and how I feel to this imaginary listener.I have been a very positive person and in my journey through life(so far), I've seen that there can be instances where your positivity can be challenged.One can feel credulous,vulnerable,helpless and feel like the whole world is coming to an end.One may feel that the earth beneath one's feet is being stripped off and one can also feel that life has put you in a position from where there is no going ahead or going back.


Some of us are generally more emotional than the others and then there are a bunch of us who are extremely neutral and a few of us who are highly insensitive.I don't really know where i fall.Something happened and this to me seemed big, very very big.I never wrote about it or even spoke to anyone about it.The reason was obvious.I was afraid. Afraid of the fact that people may not be able to really understand what I am going through.I still don't know if i was right or wrong in doing so because i never did try anyone. The first time i even made the slightest effort to do it was when i ended up breaking down at a friend's house.I was supposed to give her a birthday surprise but i ended up shocking everybody with tears mid-way during the party.I was looking and looking and looking for that one person who would not just listen but really understand what I am going through.

My mom is my best friend but she was not exactly the person who could help me with this.She was a part of this and I wanted to be her pillar of strength.Today,I want to write about it and let the monkey go off my chest.I am doing this because I think a lot of people out there don't really have anyone to talk to seek help from.Today, I am able to write about it tell people what I did to be who I am today. A year back the worst thing happened to me.I was not myself and I couldn't talk for hours.I lost consciousness and was a complete wreck.I was nothing more than a piece of flesh for a week.I had lost the most important man in my life, my Father.I know a lot of people out there are probably in a situation that is a hundred times worse than this and I am also writing this for them and all others and everyone.

A week after this happened, I had to come back to Bangalore form Kerala and face people here.I had to talk and be normal and behave the way I did before.How did I act generally?? Who was Fany Aji??How did I talk to everybody? ..I had forgotten it all.I stepped inside college and had no choice to put on a smile for my friends.They were around and it felt good.I realized that there was a big void inside me and nothing was really helping.An empty space that i thought will never be filled.

The void has been filled today..BY GOD!

A lot of people fail to realize that God has big plans for us and its all part of the plan.Sometimes, things happen.Things do go wrong but God can give you the wisdom and courage to act wisely and face the most horrifying times.He can protect you and be your father.I know I am blessed and so is everybody.We have infinite potential and power within us and through God, we can connect with them.It is true that a real person can help you heal your wounds with time but relying and seeking God erases these wounds.People tell me that I am strong but as a matter of fact, I am not.I know I am not strong or smart or anything.Its God working through me.If i hadn't seeked God, I would have failed in all my tests(May it be the VTU ones or the ones I had to face in real life).I would have failed miserably.In fact, I would have become an introvert and a pathetic depressed girl who nobody would want to talk to(except for may be my mother).I've been able to manage things in life pretty well only because of God.Today,I know that things and people will come and go and come again and go again and that doesn't change anything.If things are goping wrong, take charge of the situation.SEEK GOD and believe in yourself and help spread joy and happiness because it really is possible to bring yourself out of any situation and it is possible for each one of us to make a difference.

It does'nt matter if your called beautiful or ugly or smart or stupid or "chance pe dance marnewala" or "infinity" or "fatass" or "tall freak" or "looser" or "puny" or "nincompoop" or anything.That is because God has created us all beautifully and we are His most perfect creations(that does not mean there is no room for improvement).You are who you think you are and you can see the bigger things in life only if you seek God.Find Him and you'll know what I am talking about.If someday I know that somebody has benefited from what I have written today, I will be overwhelmed.

Friday, April 3, 2009

ANDREW WOMMACK TO THE WORLD



Is there someone in your life who just rubs you the wrong way? If there is, it may surprise you to learn that it's not really that person who is creating the rub. There is someone else at work, your real enemy, and he may be using them in an attempt to gain an inroad to your life. There is a spiritual war going on, and as a believer, you must be aware of it.

Many Christians have adopted a humanistic view of things. They do not realize the spiritual implication behind what is going on in their lives. What I mean by humanistic is that they only look at things on a surface level. They think most everything they encounter on a daily basis is either physical or natural.

The truth is, there is a battle raging every single day in the spiritual realm. That battle is for your heart and the hearts of every other person on earth. God is trying to influence people and draw them toward righteousness and toward Himself, to live consistent with Him so that His blessings can manifest in their lives.

Satan, on the other hand, is waging all-out war trying to steal the hearts of people away from God. He wants to fill their hearts with his trash and corruption. And honestly, although most Christians recognize this to a degree, I don't think they realize how intense the warfare really is and how much their actions are contributing to it.

If I could sit and talk with each of you reading this, I would find that many of you aren't aware of the spiritual significance behind what's going on in your lives. You attribute much of what is happening to circumstances and therefore passively accept what comes your way. When you do that, you're ignoring the intense battle that is being waged for your heart every single day.

The choices you make, the things you say, the actions you take, and what you believe about what is happening around you determines whether God or Satan dominates in your life. Satan cannot control you outside of your will. He cannot do anything without your cooperation and consent. But you need to recognize that you're in a battle.

Many people choose not to believe that, but whether they do or not, the fact is that it's taking place. Your unwillingness to engage in battle doesn't mean that the battle isn't raging; it just means you're going to lose. But once you realize the battle is real, you can then learn to recognize what's going on and take the proper action to improve your situation. You can resist the devil.

James 4:7 says,

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Ephesians 6:10-12 reads,

"Finally my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

This is referring to demonic powers. There's a chain of command, an authority structure in the demonic realm, and this is listing these different levels. But notice that it says you are not wrestling against flesh and blood. Much that goes on in your life is not just human.

I'm not going to get into this thing about, "Are people possessed, oppressed, or depressed?" I believe it's useless to debate that. In the Greek where the Bible says a person was demon possessed, the word literally means "demonized." It just means they were under the control of the devil. Christianity has tried to make something out of possessed, oppressed, or depressed. But it's not in Scripture.

The fact is that people are being influenced and controlled and used by the devil; they really are. This needs to be said because there are a lot of people who honestly believe that all the demons are in Africa.

It's not the person sitting next to you at work, it's not your neighbor, and it's certainly not your husband or your wife that's the problem. Anyone who is not paying attention can be influenced and inspired and used of Satan to come against you. If you were to recognize that, it would make a huge difference in the way you respond to them.

For instance, I get a lot of hate mail. There was a time when I took what was said personally. But I've come to realize that Satan uses these in an attempt to get my attention off of what God has told me to do. Now I look beyond the person, recognizing that Satan is just using them. That allows me to keep it in the right perspective.

I've had good friends come against me and do some pretty mean things. And you know what, I was able to look right past what they did and forgive them. I could see that Satan was taking advantage of them to hurt me through some weak area in their lives. When you finally see that, you don't get angry or bitter with the person, and you are able walk in forgiveness. Then, when they do turn around, the relationship can be reestablished.

There are also times when you have to engage the enemy directly, even if the enemy is using a friend. That's exactly what Jesus did when he rebuked Peter, saying, "Get behind me Satan." That was the same day Jesus asked Peter, "Who do you say I am?" And Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit, said, "You are the CHRIST, the Son of the living God."

In Matthew 16:15-17, it says,

"He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am? And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven."

After this, Jesus began to talk about what was going to happen to Him: "They're going to take Me, they're going to kill Me, and I will rise again on the third day." And this same Peter who had been inspired and controlled by the Holy Spirit just moments before began to rebuke Jesus, saying, "Be it far from You, Lord. This will never happen to You. I'm going to stand here, and the rest of us will defend You, but we are not going to allow this to happen to You."


Then Jesus turned and spoke these words to Peter: "Get behind me Satan." I'm sure Peter was shocked, but Jesus wasn't really talking to him; He was talking about Satan to Satan, the one who was controlling Peter. Peter's words were not coming from God; they were inconsistent with the will of God. Peter was being inspired and controlled by the devil in the things he said.

Now, that's a pretty strong statement, and there are a lot of people that honestly think this is a little over the top. They think they don't need to respond to people this way. But I can guarantee you that there are times that Satan is speaking directly to you through people. He is using people to get at you. Whether you recognize it or not, this goes on much more than you know. You are in a spiritual war.

I tell you there is a supernatural war waging today for your heart and mind. In fact, for some of you right now, the devil is trying to oppose the words you are reading in this letter. He wants to discredit them and cause you to ignore or reject them. The Holy Spirit, on the other hand, is bearing witness in your heart and trying to get you to open up and receive these words. It's spiritual warfare.


To win in this war, you must know who you are and the authority you have as a believer. To help, I have a teaching series called The Believer's Authority. Don't go another day without understanding how to defeat the real enemy. You have the power and authority to do it, and now it's time to use it.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

TO "MYSELF"... Will i Ever Know You...

Its beautiful to be lost in a world of your own...
Beautiful to be unaware of what the world really thinks of you...
devoid of all worries..
no fretting and no crying...

Its beautiful to be lost in a space of your own...
and enchanting to enjoy the smell of peace..
so pure and so true..

and yet...

how blocked is my mind??
how lost am i here??
do i have all the answers?
do i know this feeling??

i do not know who i am!
nor do i know this feeling..
and yet...

Why m i so happy??
Why m i so free??

how fortunate am i today!
to be able to see what i never saw before..
to feel what i may never feel again...
to hear the most amazing voice I've heard..

on this day ..
this very day....
i hold great respect for all people who express themselves through poems..
for they are free..
each time a word that belongs to their poetry is crafted..
each time their lips shape the words in these poems...

How amazing is it..
to see my smiling reflection..
i look beautiful..
so perfect..

its amazing how each one of us is so perfect..
How can God carve us so well??
and not miss a single detail..

will i ever know you??
will i ever Know this feeling??
Why am i running out of answers??
I certainly don't know it all..

n yet..

Why m i so happy??
Why m i so free??

Friday, May 30, 2008

LIFE HAS TO GO ON....

"JESUS, i'VE TRIED LOTS AND LOTS OF THINGS, BUT I'VE NEVER REALLY REALLY TRIED YOU. I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE SO I CAN EXPERIENCE TRUE HAPPINESS, PEACE AND A REASON FOR LIVING. I WOULDN'T MIND GOING TO THAT FANTASTIC PLACE AFTER I DIE EITHER. PLEASE COME INTO MY HEART AND WIPE AWAY ALL MY MISTAKES AS ONLY YOU KNOW HOW."

Thursday, May 1, 2008

LIFE GOES ON...

Somebody once said, "Good friends don't go away that easy".I wonder if that really is true.Do true friends really exist.Is this a hypothetical concept or is there any truth to the statement.In today's world where time is fleeter than the wind, nobody has the time for anyone.We seem to wake up, do our odd jobs, eat, complete our odds and ends and sleep.


Now if you were me,you'd wake up on the wrong side of your bed,get one of those funny outfits on, gobble up quick breakfast(just a li'll....talk about wanting to be all skin and bones) and leave to a place where you live and breathe things like "both the three of you,get out!!", "open the window and let the air force enter", "i said to sit you", "om yayjent and foryen yayjent"(om yayjent=home agent,figure the other one out yourself) and a lot lot more.Compiling all of them would fill many a pages.In this very place you find a few souls who come and become a big part of your life.The one's who keep a high profile always have a few around them but if you were like me, you'd always wonder if true friendship really exists and have just about a few who stick by and listen to your hogwash.I kept wondering and wondering for a long long time about the "true friendship" concept till one day when i decided to kiss the thought good bye.The next day, I thought again(talk about bad resolutions) and the very next moment something struck me,much like a lightning.In fact, this was stronger than a lightning.I was Knocked to my heels.Twas a sudden refreshingly surprising realization.How could i be so stupid!!!! My buddies had always termed me as dumb(never really wanted to believe it,haven't knuckled down to doing so now either,the "sportive" tag keeps me going) but this was too much of a blow.I was convinced.I didn't know it all.I'm going to be a learner till my very last breath.

Coming back to the thought that struck me hard..REAL HARD!! "True friends do exist". The best part being that all of us have the same true friend.At first i ended up being a little possessive.My best buddy is every body's best buddy.Grrrrr..One of my negative qualities that i will never mention at any interview while applying for a job.(Bad temper and possessiveness).Well,He's with me all the time,takes care of me 24\7, lends a shoulder to cry on, is the one I can blindly turn to when i don't know which way to turn and yeah, He's always there when i need someone to give a high five!The thought of loneliness now seldom strikes me.The feeling of having someone special is no more important.It wouldn't shake me if i knew human beings have gone extinct and I'm the last survivor.He is with me...Every single moment.Its amazing the way he knows it all even before i tell him.The way he provides instant solutions to all my problems in life is incredible.He is my saviour.

I have come to realize that nobody will truly be there for you at the end of it all.Sometimes,i do get a little lucky and find a few by my side but in the long run I know we are all alone with this true friend of ours.He will show us the way and lead us and help us find His purpose in our lives. Only if we truly believe.......

On a lighter note,in this place that i talked about initially, where obscure lectures makes one go off the deep end lies a beautiful world..A world where young minds meet and share not so smart talks.A beautiful place where scribs like me figure out that TRUE FRIENDS DO EXIST!!